A Game about an Unfamiliar Locale

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It's a cool autumn day when you arrive at the residence at 108 Noctis road. The property is in rather dire need of a gardener, as the grass is overgrown and the cobblestone path through the garden is strewn with rotting leaves and blackened petals of long dead flowers. A bare maple tree sits to the right of the driveway, while an exceptionally damp looking gazebo lurks at the front right corner of your yard. The house itself looks lonely, its dark windows like sad downcast eyes. The house is painted a bright white, but the door is scarlet. A cold breeze greets you when you exit your car, but undaunted, you look up at your new house, holding the key lightly in your hand. [[Go into the house.|entry]] [[Check out that gazebo.]] <<set $houseVoice to "color: red">> <<set $houseOpinion to 0>> <<set $houseName to "the house">><<set $chessTantrum to false>><<set $kitchenFire to false>><<set $chessCounter to 0>>

<<if previous() == "kitchenOnFire">> You flee the burning kitchen and slam the door behind you. As you do so, $houseName shudders and groans. Did it just get colder in here? <<endif>><<if previous() is "bathroom">> You are... not where you were before.<<endif>> <<if $diningRoom>> You're back in the dining room.<<else>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>> The old wood door creaks open, ephemeral silver strands clinging to the door, with matching threads hanging from the door frame, almost seeming to reach out like the hands of a mourning widow. A morbid thought to be sure, and one you quickly put out of mind. The room reveals itself to be a dining room. Much like the rest of $houseName, it appears to be in surprisingly good condition, despite the copious amount of dust coating every surface. A fine white table cloth covers a long table with feet carved in the style of claws. The table has six chairs, one at the head, one at the foot, and two on either side. There is a door tucked away in the northwest corner and a door back out to the entryway. Along the walls are two ornate cabinets, the dust obscuring the contents. <<set $diningRoom to true>> <<endif>> <<if !$cabOneClean>>[[Pick up a bit.|Clean cabinet one]]<<endif>> <<if !$cabTwoClean>>[[Dust the cabinets.|Clean cabinet two]]<<endif>> <<if $houseOpinion<5 and !$breakingAndEntering>>[[Knock over an ornate hutch.]]<<endif>> [[Look at the table cloth.|tablecloth]] [[Northwest door.|bathroom]] <<if $houseOpinion > 7>> [[The door you came in?|entry]] <<endif>> <<if $breakingAndEntering>>[[Pick through rubble down the stairs.|basement]]<<else>><<if $houseOpinion > 5>> [[Stairs down?|basement]] <<endif>><<endif>>

<<if !$kitchen>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>>The door opens with a shuddering groan as some of the paint chips, clearly having fused with the door some time ago. The room beyond is a kitchen, of that much you can be sure of. The cast iron and brass monstrosity settled squarely against the far well leaves little doubt. On either side of the stove sit marble counters with ebony wood drawers beneath them. At the end of the row is a carved wooden box. Judging from the stove, you think it’s an ice box. Ages of grease and smoke coat the room.<<else>> You are back in the kitchen. By some miracle, you have thus far refrained from arson.<<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion +.5>><<endif>><<set $kitchen to true>> <<if $houseOpinion>7>>[[Is that the door you came in the house from?|entry]] <<endif>> [[Go out to the hallway.|hall]] [[Look through the cabinets.]]

<<if $entry>> You've found your way back to where you started. The outside is within your reach. Do you leave? [[Yes.|leave]] [[No.|stay]] <<else>><<set $rooms to 1>> The door unlocks with a louder click than you expected. The interior is dark, it's hard to see much. You stumble through the darkness, until by blind luck you happen to find the light switch. When you flip it, a chandelier above you lights, illuminating the entry. The first thing to catch your attention is the fine coating of dust that blankets every surface. After that however, you notice the floors, paneled in redwood, and the fine wallpaper of crimson and gold leaf. You smile to yourself. With a bit of work, you can make this house a beauty again. Deep chimes startle you out of your thoughts. You jump, only to have a laugh at yourself when you realize it was just a grandfather clock chiming the hour. You check your watch, and see that it is a quarter after the hour. Well, they are sensitive machines, you can hardly blame it if it's running a little slow. Just another chore to add to the list. There is a door to east and to the west.<<set $entry to true>> [[West door.|dining room]] [[East door.|kitchen]] <<endif>>

The basement has that musty basement smell. It's startlingly cold, and you can see a black iron beast of a furnace. A pile of neatly chopped wood sits beside it.<<if !$basement>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $basement to true>><<endif>> <<if $notebook>> you open the notebook. You see a complex series of diagrams , which are all crossed out, then on all caps is written "MEAT IS OUT"<<endif>> <<if $houseOpinion < -5>> The shadows seem to shift and writhe in beyond the dim light, casting the relief of a descending staircase. Wait, no, it's not just shadows, it's an actual staircase! The shadowy stairs wind down in rough uneven steps. Looking at it makes your heart beat loud in your ears. [[Keep going.|sub-basement]] <<elseif $houseOpinion >5>> The shadows seem to shift and writhe in beyond the dim light, casting the relief of a descending staircase. Wait, no, it's not just shadows, it's an actual staircase! The shadowy stairs wind down in rough uneven steps. Looking at it makes your heart beat loud in your ears. [[Keep going.|sub-basement]] <<endif>> [[Go back up.|dining room]]

<<if !$bathroom>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $bathroom to true>><<endif>>This is a bathroom.<<if $houseOpinion<1>> You don't trust it.<<endif>><<if previous() == "little hall">><<set $go to "dining room">><<else>><<set $go to "little hall">><<endif>> <<link "Leave." $go>><</link>>

As you descend deeper into $houseName , you feel the air shift. The anxiety is palpable. What will you find? The air pulses softly, as thought a pushed along by giant lungs. <<if $houseOpinion > 5>> The air smells like rain and petrichor, like fresh soil and growing life. [[Go back.|basement]]<<else>> The air smells of decay and rot, like spilled blood and raging fury. You can't go back. Not for any personal reason; when you turn around, the door is gone.<<endif>> [[Turn left.|storage room]] [[Turn right.|House-Heart]]

<<if !$storeroom>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $storeroom to true>><<endif>>You enter a small room crowded with supplies, boxes, and machinery. The boxes pile up almost all the way to the ceiling, which, to be fair, isn’t especially high. Each one is labelled with a different descriptor, things like ‘kitchenware’, or ‘tools’. The exposed lightbulb hangs from the ceiling by a wire, flickering on and off, and it’s hard to tell if the flicker is $houseName’s doing, or the flimsy wiring in the underground room. [[Go back.|sub-basement]]

<<if !$HH>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $HH to true>><<endif>><<if $houseOpinion > 10>> You turn the corner, and something glows. $houseName slowly unfurls a floating mass of wires and gears, almost shyly showing you what you know to be its very soul. In that one instant you suddenly understand everything and nothing at once. Then $houseName speaks, not in its notebook, but in strange whining, hissing, dripping sounds that resolve into words. You aren't her. It must be talking about the architect. The gravity of those words hit you all at once. But she's gone. The hiss of the words are tinged with sadness and pain, the sounds of a confession long withheld. "She is… I'm sorry." You say the words, and misery tips through the air. But it is mixed with something else. Hope. You have been… kind. You have played with me, taken care of me. Please… please stay with me. Fill me with life and light and love. Please don't leave me alone. You reach out, hesitantly, and run your hand along a ridge in $houseName's heart. It might need some repair, but you definitely aren't fussing with it without some close direction from $houseName. "I'll stay with you." You pet the heart delicately, avoiding anything that looks important. You're nice. And you know what, so is your weird sentient house. [[SWEET END|end.]] <<else>> You turn the corner just in time before the whole damn wall closes itself off. A writhing mass of wires floats, glowing and angry, in the center of this room. It screams. GO AWAY You back up, but there's no way out. YOU DON'T BELONG HERE Panic overwhelms you. You are facing a denial of reason, or sense and reality. What you are seeing cannot be real, but it continues to exist in spite of that. INVADER Your heart pounds in your chest. You can feel this… this thing's rage and fury wash over you in waves. Its voice tolls like the bells of a church sounding on your funeral. INVADER You dart forward in an instant of fear. You don't know what you're doing but you know in your heart that if you don't kill this… this thing, it will kill you. You tear at the wires keeping this thing together, clawing at the gears like a savage animal. IN VA de r.... It crashes down, turning off the screaming and taking the only light in the room with it. You stand there, panting. Your fingers are torn and bleeding. A deep regret fills you. You can't shake the feeling that you just murdered something innocent. A chill runs through you and you think you might lose your lunch. You… you need to get out of here. But there is no way out... There's no light and no crack in the walls. [[HOSTILE END|end.]]<<endif>>

<<if $comingFrom == "kitchenOnFire">> You flee the burning kitchen and slam the door behind you. As you do so, $houseName shudders and groans. Did it just get colder in here?<<endif>> This is a hallway. There are some landscapes framed and hung on the walls. There are doors on the north and south walls, as well as on the west end of the corridor. The east end is a window, through which you can see the gazebo lurking.<<if !$hall>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $hall to true>><<endif>> [[The west door, where there’s a piano.|piano room]] [[The north door, with a smell of old books.|library]] <<if $kitchenFire>> [[The south door, hot and smoky.|kitchenOnFire]] <<else>> [[The south door, sticky with culinary experiments.|kitchen]] <<endif>>

<<if !$pRoom>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $pRoom to true>><<endif>><<if !$piano>>The room feels cold. Not in a physical sense, but emotionally. You find something so utterly melancholy about the way the sunlight falls through the ephemeral drapes and onto the black grand piano. [[Play piano.|play piano]]<<else>> The sunlight falls elegantly on the grand piano.<<endif>> The room is on the west end of a hallway, with two doors on the east wall. <<if $notebook>> You open the notebook. "The piano is central of course. Music is the voice of the soul, the divine gift, the language all can understand."<<endif>> <<if $sRoom>>[[Go into the sitting room.|sitting room]]<<else>>[[Door on the left.|sitting room]]<<endif>> <<if $hall>>[[Back into the hallway.|hall]]<<else>>[[Door on the right.|hall]]<<endif>>

<<if !$library>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>>The first thing you see when you enter the room is that the shelves aren't uniform. Some are bent at odd angles, some are shorter than others, all of them are tall, yet there is no sign of a ladder. This was definitely the library of a great collector. You have no idea why her books are still here. At the far end of the room, there is a writing desk, while to your right you see light coming in through a large window.<<else>>You're in the library.<<endif>><<set $library to true>> [[Read something.|read]] [[Go into the hallway.|hall]] [[Climb behind a bookcase.|crawl space]] <<if !$chessTantrum>>[[play chess][$houseOpinion = $houseOpinion + 1]] <<endif>>

<<if !$sRoom>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $sRoom to true>><<endif>>This was once an extravagant parlor. The loss of such beautiful brocade upholstery through neglect nearly brings a tear to your eye. <<if $notebook>> You open the notebook. The page you find has no words on it, instead there is a photograph of a beautiful woman. No, not a photo, a drawing, each line drawn with surgical precision to get the utmost accuracy. You can feel the love and passion that went into this sketch. It feels alive, with the kind eyes and warm smile making you feel warm inside. The page around the picture is pockmarked with water damage. It's the only page to have this imperfection, and something tells you there's a reason for it.<<endif>> There is a staircase going up, as well as doors to the east and west. [[Go upstairs.|upstairs]] <<if !$pRoom>>[[West door.|piano room]]<<else>>[[Into the piano room.|piano room]]<<endif>> <<if !$library>>[[East door.|library]]<<else>>[[Into the library.|library]]<<endif>>

<<if !$land>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $land to true>><<endif>>This is a tiny landing, with stairs leading down and a single door. [[Go downstairs.|sitting room]] [[Go through the door.|family room]]

<<if !$crawl>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $crawl to true>><<endif>>Oh this is a cramped space. You’re trying to climb up - or is it down? this ladder, but you can’t see any way out - pipes and insulation - are you in the wall? - but you get out eventually. [[You were climbing down.|hall]] [[You were climbing up.|attic]]

<<if !$famRoom>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $famRoom to true>><<endif>>This room got a lot of use. There is a rocking chair, and a very old couch. Bookshelves, too, but with reading primers in a bunch of languages and a collection of board books. A dusty little rocking horse, and a coffee table someone naughty wrote on in permanent marker.<<if $notebook>> The architect of your weird house had a weird, intellectual family.<<endif>> There are three doors and some sort of hatch in the ceiling. [[Landing.|upstairs]] [[A little hallway.|little hall]] [[A door with a keyhole, though unlocked.|master bedroom]] [[Pull the ladder down from the hatch.|attic]]

<<if !$Lhall>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $Lhall to true>><<endif>><<if previous() is "bathroom">> You are... not where you were before.<<endif>> This is a tiny hallway, in roughly the same condition as the rest of $houseName. <<if previous() is "family room">>There are two doors. One of them is the plain wooden door you came from, and the other one looks similar, but sets your teeth on edge.<<else>>There are two doors. The one you came in from, which you expected to lead back to the dining room, and a plain wooden door across from it.<<endif>> [[Normal door.|family room]] [[Strange door.|bathroom]]

<<if !$bedroom>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $bedroom to true>><<endif>>This room holds a sense of majesty, even after all these years. The bed is resplendent, cozy looking, with a lumpy mass in the middle. <<if $cabOneClean>>You've fallen for this trick before, it’s probably just more lawn gnomes.<<endif>> Sitting opposite of the bed is an ornate dresser with brass handles, parts of them worn and shiny from the use they saw. More than anything else you notice a profound sadness clinging to every surface - and a hole in the wall you could probably fit through. There's the door to the family room as well, and a door decorated with adorable steampunk unicorns. <<if $notebook>> you open the notebook. You see a complex series of diagrams , which are all crossed out, then in all caps is written "MEAT IS OUT"<<endif>> <<if !$flamingoSkeleton>>[[pull back the covers]] <<endif>>[[Cute door.|child's room]] [[Back out.|family room]] [[Where does that lead?|crawl space]]

<<if !$attic>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $attic to true>><<endif>><<if previous() == "family room">> You clamber up through the hatch, and it springs shut behind you. You fiddle with it a bit, but it doesn't want to open.<<endif>> <<if !$notebook>> <<if $houseOpinion < 0>> As you enter the dusty attic, $houseName conspicuously hides a well-used journal under a shelf. <<else>> As you enter the dusty attic, $houseName conspicuously moves a well-used journal into your path. <<endif>> [[take journal]]<<endif>> This room is tiny, with sloped ceilings that force you to crouch. Someone found it a worthy workroom though, with a sitting desk and varied knick knacks that you’re sure you couldn’t identify with an encyclopedia and six years. There are two little dormers with doors instead of windows, and a hole in the floor you could probably fit through. [[West door.|west balcony]] [[North door.|north balcony]] [[Climb down.|crawl space]]

<<if !$kidRoom>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $kidRoom to true>><<endif>>You exit the master bedroom into a significantly smaller bedroom that you can easily identify was once meant for a toddler. The bed sits much lower to the floor, and isn’t nearly as wide or extravagant as the one in the previous room. There are a few other child sized imitations decorating the space, including a small table set, a small bedside table, and a few small dolls. You feel like you’re invading someone’s privacy. $houseName seems to agree. <<if $notebook>> You open the journal. "I NEVER MEANT TO HURT HER. REALLY. I WAS ONLY TRYING TO PLAY." The words appear before your eyes. You wonder what the house did to the child, even by accident. You shudder. <<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion - .5>><endif>> [[Back out quickly.|master bedroom]]

<<if !$wBal>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $wBal to true>><<endif>>You stand on the balcony, among the weird spires of $houseName’s roof, and look over your new property. It is wild, overgrown, and beautiful. You can’t wait to <<print either("tame", "befriend", "flip")>> it. <<if $houseOpinion <3>>[[Be pushed.]]<<endif>> <<if $houseOpinion >0>>[[attic]] <<endif>>

<<if !$nBal>><<set $rooms to $rooms +1>><<set $nBal to true>><<endif>>You stand on the balcony, or try to. This little veranda thing is dominated by a marble statue, still in progress, of a woman three times your size. She looks out across the yard, and is <<if $houseOpinion<0>>displeased with her progress.<<else>>proud of her work.<<endif>> [[Go back.|attic]] [[Climb down.|crawl space]]

As you gaze across the overgrown yard, you feel something on your back. Suddenly, you're shoved over the railing, tumbling down the sloped roof, narrowly avoiding landing on your head. You get the sense $houseName is laughing at you. And you know what, if it's gonna be like that, you're leaving. Taking this opportunity to just, not be inside that nasty bastard house. [[NEUTRAL END 2: ACCIDENTAL BOOGALOO|end.]]

<<set $kitchenFire to true>> Yep. That's a kitchen fire. You cannot imagine $houseName to be pleased with this. <<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion - 1.5>> <<set $runTo to either("hall", "dining room")>><<if $runTo == "hall">> [[Run!|hall][$comingFrom = "kitchenOnFire"]]<<else>>[[Run!|dining room][$comingFrom = "kitchenOnFire"]]<<endif>>

<<if $chessCounter<10>>You sit down to practice chess, with the white pieces. Somehow you are unsurprised when the black pieces move on their own. <<set $win to random(0, 100) + $houseOpinion>> <<if $win > 70>> After an intense battle, you take $houseName's king. The air changes, somehow. Is it... proud of you? <<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion +3>> <<elseif $win <30>> The black pieces quickly overwhelm yours. Do you even know how to play chess? <<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion -2>> [[Flip chess table.]] <<else>> After an intense battle, you have to admit defeat. $houseName shakes some dust off its bookshelves, preening. <<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion +1>> <<endif>>[[Play again?|play chess][$chessCounter=$chessCounter+1]]<<else>>You've really been playing too much chess. There's a lot of work to do around here, you know.<<endif>> [[Stand up.|library]]

<<set $cabOneClean to true>><<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion + 1>> You collect some of the detritus into one corner. There are an unsettling quantity of lawn gnomes for a dining room. [[Look for more gnomes.|dining room]]

<<set $cabTwoClean to true>><<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion + 1>> You wipe down some of the china, your cloth coming away covered in cobwebs - they must be unlucky spiders, though, because the webs are entirely empty. These bowls have got to be priceless, though. [[Look around.|dining room]]

Well, this is one hecking weird house alright. Still with all the furniture present, that's going to make flipping the thing way easier! You dial up a cleaning crew on your phone as you exit the doorway. Maybe there is some big mystery to this house, but hey, that's not your problem anymore is it? The person who buys it from you can deal with it. [[NEUTRAL END|end.]]

all right, then.<<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion + 1>> <<if $diningRoom>>[[Go into the dining room.|dining room]]<<else>>[[West door.|dining room]]<<endif>> <<if $kitchenFire>>[[Go into the kitchen.|kitchenOnFire]] <<else>> <<if $kitchen>>[[Go into the kitchen.|kitchen]] <<else>>[[East door.|kitchen]]<<endif>> <<endif>>

Okay. You're the pinnacle of maturity. <<set $chessTantrum to true>> <<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion - 5>> [[Stand up.|library]]

The leather that binds this book is worn smooth. Someone clearly loved it dearly. You hesitate. Would it be wrong to read this? It might be yours, legally, but you weren't the one who wrote it. Still, curiosity gets the better of you, and you open it to a random page. You are faced with neat incomprehensible designs, with little notes squirrelled away in the margins written in tiny but neat letters. Things like 'aetherial conflict choke' and 'phosphorus incandescents regulator". Your mind spinning a bit, you turn to a different page, in that same hand it reads, 'saw a joke about the tibia in bones monthly, going to tell Gerald about it.' Bemused, you flip to another page. 'I've done it, the plans are set, the foundation is being built as I write this. My magnum opus. A house of absolute magnificence and indomitable personality. I shall call it… George!' Huh, you wonder why that name. Then again, if you think it's weird, you could always give it a new one. <<set $notebook to true>> <<textbox "$houseName" "George" [[attic]]>> [[Name your house.|attic]]<<if $houseName=="George">> <<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion +2>><<endif>>

The game is over. How did you do? <<if $houseOpinion > 5>> You made friends with $houseName. <<elseif $houseOpinion < -5>> You greatly antagonized $houseName. <<else>> You didn't do much with $houseName - or you were kind and cruel in turns.<<endif>> If you want a number associated with that relationship, it's $houseOpinion. <<if $chessTantrum>> The chess table still lies messy on the floor of the library. <<elseif $chessCounter==0>> You played no chess at all. <<else>> You played $chessCounter rounds of chess against the house.<<endif>> <<if $kitchen>><<if $kitchenFire>> It may be wise to call the fire department before that grease fire brings down the whole house.<<else>>Congratulations! You restrained your latent pyromania.<<endif>><<else>>You found no opportunities for arson. Although, is it still arson if it's your own house? You'll have to look it up.<<endif>> <<if previous()=="House-Heart">>You discovered the House-Heart.<<else>>You still don't know what the hell is going on with this house.<<endif>> <<if $flamingoSkeleton>>You discovered the flamingo skeleton.<<else>>You did not discover the flamingo skeleton.<<endif>> <<if $rooms == 21>>You visited every room in the house!<<else>>You visited $rooms different rooms.<<endif>>

When you open the first cabinet rot and mold assault your senses. It seems whoever's lived here last didn't clean out their cabinet. In the second set of cabinets you find cooking oil, and pans. You should be careful with this stuff. [[Start a grease fire.|kitchenOnFire][$houseOpinion = $houseOpinion - 5]] [[Don't.|kitchen]]

<<set $breakingAndEntering to true>><<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion - 6>> For some reason, you pull the doors of this lovely cabinet thing open with unnecessary force, and keep pulling till the whole thing crashes to the floor - and through it! The cacophonous shattering of crystal flutes and fine China rebounds off the walls, sounding almost like a hundred voices screaming in pain. After about an hour of picking through the shards of glass and porcelain, and breaking what's left of the cabinet down into manageable chunks, the hidden stairway is more or less clear. $houseName seems to scream in response. You narrowly avoid being crushed, and peer down a previously hidden stairway, covered in shattered china and splintered hardwood. [[Go down.|basement]] [[Quietly ignore the chaos you cause and sneak away.|bathroom]]

You haven't played in many years, but you remember a tune or two. You open the top of the piano, and your breath catches in your throat. The interior is gorgeous. Gold filigree loops into fantastical patterns and elegant spirals, and at the heart of it all is quote. "Music expresses that which can not be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." You sit on the bench and begin to play. It's sloppy, full of mistakes and errors, and if your music teacher ever heard you, you would never hear the end of it. To your ears, it's perfect. You lose yourself for a while in your perfectly imperfect melody, and when you hit the final key, the room doesn't feel so cold anymore.<<set $houseOpinion to $houseOpinion + 4>><<set $piano to true>> [[Stand up.|piano room]]

<<set $book to either("Confucian philosophy", "complex analysis", "the history of computing", "the theory of the self")>>It takes a couple tries to pull down a book at random, and you cough at the explosion of dust. It’s an academic treatise on $book. You don’t understand any of it. [[Put it back.|library]] [[Take it.|library][$houseOpinion=$houseOpinion-1]]

<<if $cabOneClean>>You pull back the covers, already sighing at $houseName's juvenile hum- Oh. That is actually not gnomes. <<else>>You pull back the covers, wondering what would make that shape- Oh. <<endif>>It's bones. It is the rotting corpse of probably some kind of bird. You, not being super down with vulture culture, cover your mouth and back up.<<set $flamingoSkeleton to true>> [[Put the covers back.|master bedroom]]

You admire the fine build of the gazebo, truly a marvel of gardening recreation. As you stand there blissfully ignorant, the gazebo eats you. Don't you know they're wild animals and savage monsters? [[STUPID END|end.]]

The white cloth shimmers, a strange pattern and texture running along its surface. You place your hand on it feel the needle work, only to shudder when you feel it stick to you. Oh, it's a giant spider web. Wonderful. Out of the corner of your eye, you see someone sitting in the chair you're standing next to, but when you turn your head, it's <<if $cabOneClean>>yet another<<else>>a<<endif>> small lawn gnome. What? Why? When did it get there? [[Back away slowly.|dining room]]